Messenger Puppet

20 years ago today was my first date with the ex.  Two kids, two degrees, two dogs, two Jeep Libertys, and two court proceedings later, here we are  – two miles apart.  Weirdness rules.

In the little blue pill corner, the Dodge Viper GTS

"He decided to stop waiting..."

In the natural male enhancement corner, the Lamborghini Murciélago LP 640 Roadster

"...the original once-daily tablet for natural male enhancement"

Two men enter, one man leaves…
(yeah, that’s what she (the trophy wife) said)

Think about it:

As always, the truth is found in Animal House.

Captain’s log, stardate 4040.7. On the surface of planet IV, system 892, the landing party has won the confidence of what obviously is a group of runaway slaves. They dwell in caves not far from a large city, wear rags, live under primitive conditions. But they are creatures of a heavily industrialized 20th century-type planet very much like Earth, an amazing example of Hodgkin’s Law of Parallel Planetary Development. But on this Earth, Rome never fell. A world ruled by emperors who can trace their line back 2,000 years, to their own Julius and Augustus Caesars.

Ship's log, stardate 4041.2. Chief Engineer Scott recording. Captain Kirk and his landing party have checked in, but they have used the code term Condition Green, which means they're in trouble. But it also prohibits my taking any action.

"Fight, you pointed-eared freak!"

Captain's log, stardate 4041.7. Note commendation, Engineering Officer Scott. Despite enormous temptation and strong personal feelings, he obeyed the Prime Directive. His temporary blackout of the city below resulted in no interference with the society and yet saved the lives of myself and the landing party. Except Spock. He is monster food.

Vincent Black Shadow? If only...

My friends call me Harley Davidson Iron 883.  You can just call me “Daddy,” but I’m not your father’s 2 wheeled deathmobile

In a moment of dumbass, I watched American Idol last night.

• Todrick on AI wears “look at my enormous penis” pants while singing Freddie Mercury.  Ha!
• The first kid without a guitar was wiping the mike across his face like it was penis chapstick.
• I thought Adam Lambert was last year, fellas
• Everyone else wanted to sound like Dave Matthews, as opposed to the girls the night before, who mostly wanted to sound like the love child of Jewel and that girl who wants to by me Rogaine. [Ed.: Ingrid Michaelson]

I am getting to the point where “single dude in a shitty apartment” seems like normal.  Normal is good.  And where Coors Light doesn’t have to be my Halcion/Ambien/Lunestra/Nytol.  Waking up in my own bed> couch in front of a TV> Cripley’s balcony in a blackout-lifting fog.  Most days.

I killed thousands in GTA IV, yet somehow it’s not enough.  I may have to buy the expansion.  That is, if I can ever get out of this get paid, pay bills, wait 12 days to have money again cycle.

Me, bitching about money again

Is it football season yet?

It’s worse than a Zombie invasion or a Sarah Palin talk show. Sadly, Hallmark Cards have come to life.

Maxine in Phoenix. QED.

You're worthless and Stupid, Alec, whereas I am a talking rock

Contestant: Who is the talking butthead rock from the art museum?