Messenger Puppet

Comments (0)

Brett Favre Sucks

Would ESPN be tonguebathing him like this if he were Black?  If he were, say, a wide receiver?  I’m just sayin’…

ESPN:  But, but… he’s the greatest quarterback of all time!!!  He is a hall of famer!!!  We like exclamation points!!!

Elway, Unitas, Bradshaw:  1 - only because no one has kicked his ass enough to sit it down.  He’s more like Cal Ripken Jr., succeeding through sheer longevity.

2 - Not yet he isn’t.  Come back in 5 years after his final retirement - the one after the next one - and we’ll see.

3 - you guys are idiots.

4 - He just threw ANOTHER bone-headed interception.

Comments (0)

The Real McCain

It’s ain’t pretty

Comments (0)

Pardon the interruption

I screwed up a software update, and sank the entire Internet yesterday.

Comments (0)

John McCain: I was against the president before I fellated him (and since then too. Really!)

McCain ad pushes independence, distance from Bush

By GLEN JOHNSON
Associated Press Writer

RAPID CITY, S.D. (AP) — John McCain conceded in a new television commercial on Tuesday that “we’re worse off than we were four years ago,” and said he is the candidate best positioned to usher in an era of change.

“Washington’s broken. John McCain knows it,” says the commercial, which is implicitly critical of both President Bush and Barack Obama.

It is unusual for a presidential candidate to part company with an administration of the same party, but McCain has little choice, with public opinion polls showing the public is eager for change after eight years of the Bush administration.

Just seven months ago, McCain said in a debate that “Americans overall are better off” than eight years ago “because we have had a pretty good prosperous time with low unemployment and low inflation.” Even so, he added that “things are tough right now.”

Set to run in battleground states, the new commercial does not mention Obama but it suggests the first-term Illinois senator is unprepared to be president by saying McCain is the one “ready to lead.” It also tries to seize Obama’s message of change and cast McCain, a four-term Arizona senator, as a change agent.

“Only McCain has taken on big tobacco, drug companies, fought corruption in both parties,” the ad says. “He’ll reform Wall Street, battle big oil, make America prosper again.”

It does not mention areas where McCain and Bush agree, like tax cuts, the Iraq war and free-market economics, a point the Obama campaign highlighted in its response to the ad.

“Being a maverick isn’t practicing the same kind of politics we have seen from Washington for decades,” said Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton, “it isn’t having a campaign run by Washington lobbyists, and it’s certainly not promoting the same policies that have led America down the wrong path these past eight years.”
…
McCain’s own voting record on energy issues has been questioned as well.

In 2007, McCain missed all 11 energy-related Senate votes considered key by the League of Conservation Voters, including votes related to automobile fuel economy, offshore Virginia drilling, refinery construction, renewable electricity mandates, energy efficiency, liquefied coal and support for biofuels. The absences prompted the League to give McCain a “zero” rating for the year.

Comments (0)

Why does Roger Goodell hate America?

NFL implements new code of Fascism for fans at games
NEW YORK (AP) — The NFL implemented a new code of fan oppression Tuesday, warning that spectators who think they are more than just consumers of overpriced, shitty foot and a steilized, joyless game like simulation designed to generate ad revenue will be ejected from stadiums and barred from coming back. The policy, first recommended by dictator in chief Roger Goodell at league meetings in April, is aimed at conduct that the league said “detracts from the gameday experience because it makes mommies not want to buy $10 licorice ropes for junior.”

It includes bans on:

– Behavior that is unruly (yelling), disruptive (standing up), or illegal (yelling fire even though you cannot hear yourself inside your own head, let alone the person next to you).

– Drunkenness and signs of alcohol impairment that result in irresponsible behavior (like not ordering the extra chees on your nachos for $4 extra).

– Foul or abusive language or obscene gestures (by whose definition, Rog? We can’t flip you off, you preening ass licker?).

– Interference with the progress of the game, including throwing objects onto the field.

– Failing to follow instructions of stadium personnel (does this mean if we are silent when the sign says “noise,” we get booted? Or we read a newspaper when the PA guy says “Please turn your attention to…” or “please rise for…”).

– Verbal or physical harassment of fans from the opposing team. (No more “Raiders suck”?)

“The in-stadium experience is critically important to the NFL’s bottom line, our clubs and our fans and it will be a major focus this season,” Goodell said in a statement. “We are committed to sterilizing and dehumanizing the fan experience in every way we can — from the time fans arrive in the parking lot to when they depart the stadium. It should be strictly commerce, and nothing more”

The league also left teams the option of adding additional provisions to the code based on local circumstances. For example, Detroit could make a two hotdog minimum purchase a condition of admission; in Phoenix, it might be a couple of Chile Rellenos instead. It said the guidelines would be contained in mailings to fans and signs posted at stadiums.

Actually, this proves that Roger Goodell understands America better than any of us. It’s not the game. It’s not the experience. It’s order and commerce. Nothing else matters. It’s John McCain’s America, not John Mellencamp’s, not John Lennon’s.

Comments (0)

Just Say No

SAY NO IN NOVEMBER TO UNFIT McCain

Comments (0)

The New Phone Books Are Here!

OK, so phone and not phone book.  Buuuut, my phonebook syncs with my computer, so it was sort of true.  Why does ANY OF THIS MATTER?

1. I can post here from my phone
2. Porn
3. I can unbounce checks over the Internet from my phone
4. Porn
5. Porn
6. Online BevMo ordering on the way to the store
7. Porn, porn, pornpornporn, porn
8. also, phone calls.

Comments (0)

Why So Serious?

The great - Joker:  Awesome.  Fuckinghomicidallybatshitcrazy awesome.  The realest of suprevillians ever.

See the movie to see him.  Jack Nicholson was a cartoon, although it worked for what is was.  (Tim Burton is an overrated hack, BTW)  Cesar Romero doesn’t even register.

No so much - crazy CGI, like the creation of the batcycle like magic.  Morgan Freeman was a little tiresome.  So was some of the plot

Didn’t mind - equal parts Grand Theft Auto IV and Saw.

In 4 words: Oscar 4 Heath Ledger.

I wish we knew Joker’s backstory.  I hope there is an extended version…

Comments (0)

Arizona We’re not COMPLETE Jackasses

Arizona Drops Speed Camera Points
New statewide Arizona freeway speed camera tickets will come without points.
In a severe blow to the insurance industry, the cash-strapped Arizona state legislature yesterday approved an expansive speed camera program designed to boost state revenue by dropping license points and eliminating costly legal challenges… Until now, Arizona had been one of a handful of states, including California, Colorado and Illinois, to issue points against the driver’s license of the owner of a car accused by a machine of speeding. Although motorists may prefer not having points on their license, the change to a civil citation is designed to reduce costs and court challenges. Instead of proving a case beyond a reasonable doubt, the state will only need to show that it was “likely” that a vehicle was speeding. The owner of the car would then be liable, regardless of whether he was actually driving.

No points is good.  The rest is bullshit.

Operational costs are also reduced as extra cameras will no longer be needed to capture a driver’s face. Under civil rules, a snapshot of a license plate will suffice. That means the state will no longer lose tickets because, for example, sun glare obscured the driver’s face.

You mean flipping off every camera is no longer worthwhile?  No - do it anyway

On the other side of the issue, insurance companies, including the American Automobile Association (AAA) and the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, have spent millions promoting the use of photo ticketing technology with the hope that all such programs would eventually issue points… Insurance lobbyists were disappointed by yesterday’s vote.

Fuck you, Allstate.  It’s my money.  A machine that makes intersections more dangerous is not going to tell you I am unsafe or give you a reason to ding me.

ALSO

Arizona Appeals Court Says DUI Charge Requires Driving
Arizona Appeals Court rejects drunk driving conviction of a man who was not driving.
Recent court decisions across the country have upheld stiff sentences against those convicted of driving under the influence of alcohol (DUI), even when those individuals were either not in an automobile, or not driving at all. A New Jersey appellate court ruled last year, for example, that a man who tried to sleep off a night’s drinking in his truck should pay $4000 in DUI fines (view opinion). A three-judge panel of the Arizona Court of Appeals turned the other direction on Wednesday. It concluded that drivers should be encouraged, not discouraged, to pull over when impaired.

Comments (0)

How to tell it’s a dream

If these happen:

• you are “a bit” over thirty
• you are in the NFL, or at least with the Cardinals, the next best thing to a real NFL team
• you are in your present average to athletic shape, but nowhere near the shape of that guy in Invincible
• you’re with PHid, who is not the biggest fan of football, but lives in football Mecca.
• You’re both penciled in as right side offensive line men.
• Before running a play, it’ s lunch.
• After lunch, you are switched to WR spots. 
• You are a slot receiver
• You have no idea what a slot receiver is, or where to line up.

Or

• you’re in bed.
• So are Bill and Hillary.
• You don’t know how long you’ve been there, but she’s naked under the covers, and they have obviously enjoyed some monkey love not too long ago.
• No, it’s not the white house.
• Yes, you do say something stupid to Bill along the lines of a 10 year old joke.  (Like Letterman, still)
• Somehow this all ties in to voting in Michigan, Michigan stadium renovations and a synagogue.
• The synagogue has nothing to do with Moe (the gay Jewish partner) wearing a Public Enemy shirt on casual day.